Have you ever got angry because you felt you have no power over someone? Have you ever thought that somebody is wrong and if they would just change their thinking everything would be great for you? Did you ever blame others for the mess in your life? Did you feel powerless and frustrated about not being able to make them change?
I have and it’s really frustrating!
People are used to think that their parents are wrong, that the boss is wrong, that their children must behave in certain ways, that: “if only THEY would change, my life would be so much better!”
I recently found a magic key to this problem :) The solution is not for them to change! You cannot control or change all the people you consider wrong. The solution it’s much easier! The solution is inside YOU! Actually you are the key I’m talking about. You can change yourself and everything will be different!
Gregg Braden talks about the mirrors that surround us. He says that the ancients thought that everyone we meet is a mirror of us and they are all trying to teach us something about our self. Usually the people we want to change are people that have certain imperfections or behaviors or ideas that we don’t agree with. So, we should look at these people and we could see what are the parts of us that we don’t like or agree with. Some people will show us over and over again pieces of our selves that we need to accept in order to be whole. Every human being wants to be accepted and loved for exactly what they are. But who could love us like that if we don’t do it first? Start accepting your so called “flaws”. They are part of who you are, stop trying to be someone else.
So, whenever you meet someone you dislike try to find out what is it about you that you need to accept. What part of you is yearning for your love and approval?
Deepak Chopra said a funny story in one of his workshops about this. One exercise in the workshop was to name a person that you dislike, make a list of what you don’t like about him or her and than try to find that quality or behavior at yourself.
Think of a moment or an experience when you were behaving like that. If you can’t find anything, think again. We all have our moments so it’s not so hard to think of a moment you have been unpleasant or mean or angry.
So the story was that a friend of his from the workshop said that this guy he doesn’t like it’s a “complete idiot” and he cannot think of any circumstance when he was a complete idiot. So, later that evening, they went to this friend’s house and it was snowing and cold and it was getting dark and the guy couldn’t find his keys. So he exclaimed: “who loses his keys in a night like this?” And Deepak said to himself: “Nobody but an idiot :)”
People can also be mirrors of things we are judgmental about. If we find ourselves disliking someone and we simply cannot imagine we could ever be like that, it must be something we are judging. We don’t need to change the world to feel better. We couldn’t if we tried! So just turn to yourself and try to see what is bothering you about this person? You can learn to except everyone exactly as they are and it feel so great to know that it’s ok to leave them how they are. We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We are not responsible for changing our boyfriend or girlfriend, parents or children, we don’t need to change the neighbors or coworkers even if we think we can help them. Everybody needs to learn their own lessons by themselves. Whenever we feel like we have a problem with someone else, we actually have a problem inside us and that’s where we need to focus, that’s where the key is.
When I first discovered this I felt so relieved! It seemed so hard to change someone’s mind or behavior. But it’s not my job to change the others, my job is to take care of my own mind and make changes inside. And believe me, the changes made from inside reflect everywhere around you.
That’s what Gandhi meant when he said: “Be the change you want to see in the world” Not only that you are the only one you can change so don’t waist your time on trying to change the others. But the most important, wonderful part is that when you change, everything changes around you. When you open up to people, people open up to you, when you are happy people around you get happy, when you are calm and don’t argue, the people around you don’t feel the need to argue with you. The world is a hologram and any change made in one little pixel reflects in all other pixels of it.
I experienced this and it feels MAGICAL!
When you wish for your boyfriend to be more loving ask yourself how are you to him. Offer your love and you will receive back more than you need! If you want your parents to be more supportive of you or to accept you as you are try to accept them first and you will be amazed of the results. It certainly worked for me ;)
If we become whatever we expect from the people around us then we can change the world!
Use a reminder to keep you aware that YOU are the KEY! Every time you see it remember that you create your own life, nobody is responsible and nobody can be blamed for what you create with your mind and behavior. Turn to your self and you will find all the keys that can make your life MAGICAL!