duminică, 14 noiembrie 2010

Pieces of me

In my teenage years I've lost some very big and important pieces of myself in these songs (and many others) and the last days I had the courage to go back in time and be there for myself. I embraced myself again and it felt so good. Enjoy :)

marți, 9 noiembrie 2010

My purpose in life

Today I reminded myself a few important things. I cleared my head and dived into a new and amazing clarity! There are simple, normal, obvious things in our lives that sometimes appear like: Oh my God! That is true! How could I have not seen that? But you did see it before, you knew it all along. Only that it didn’t appear in the same light as it does now and before you did not know what to do with it.

I spent my last days, or should I say months, wondering what to do next. Asking my self what is my mission. What is my purpose in this life? Feeling stuck because I did not know what I want to do. Or I thought I did not know what to do.

I realized today that I may have lived many years under the impression that I’m not doing what I want to do, that I’m not following my heart. And I guess I was living my life accordingly with the belief that I’m doing some stuff because I HAVE TO, because they MUST BE DONE, because this is the RIGHT WAY to live, because otherwise MY PARENTS will get UPSET or I will FAIL in some way. Even in the last few years, doing what I love to do, what I chose to do, what I wanted to do, I still had this strange feeling that I’m doing most of my work because it had to be done. Only know I realize that I had this belief and this belief must have been haunting me and it was such a powerful and strong idea that sometimes it made me feel miserable.

I guess one root of this belief is from my parents. When I was 16-18 I wanted to be an actress, I have always liked arts, acting, writing and I wanted to write poems or articles and go to acting school. I had an acting troupe and I loved rehearsing with them, going to acting contests (and winning most of them). I have edited a funny magazine that was 60% my writings and won the best county high school magazine award for two years.

My parents were very upset with my ideas and totally against it. They told me (especially my mother) that acting was not a serious job and I don’t even need to go to any acting classes to be an actress. If I have talent (witch both my mother and father try to tell me I don’t) I will succeed at being an actress without going to school. I can study something important first and after I get my Cybernetics degree, as they wanted me, I can do whatever I want, including acting. They repeated time after time that I need to make a living and acting or writing will not do that for me. They considered art does not qualify as real work. You need to work hard for a living and writing and acting seemed like fun to them, so you cannot live from having fun. It was impossible for them to imagine. So, even if at first I was outraged and revolted, as the years went by, I accepted eventually their points of view and after many years, at a subconciouss level, I even embraced as my own even if I never did and still don’t believe these ideas.

It took me a lot of time and courage to do the first step out of this box I put myself into. I went to Cybernetics collage for 5 years. Then I got a job in an IT company. I was very good at what I was doing but this is kind of a general rule for me. I’m good and very fast at cleaning the house, I’m good at math or physics, I’m good at writing, I’m good at dancing, I’m good at crafting anything, I can always manage with tools like hammers or screwdrivers, I can carry heavy things, I can manage mostly anything… It must look like a lot of self praising but what I am trying to say is that I don’t necessarily like all those stuff and certainly I don’t have to do all those stuff myself.
These things just reflect what I believe to be true. Things that my parents told me or things that I have picked up as a child:
- I have to do everything myself. Nobody does it as good as me anyway
- I need to handle anything that appear, I must be brave, strong and manage perfectly
- I cannot get less than 10 at any test and in any area of my life

I believe that the idea that “I have to do everything myself” is rather the idea that “Nobody does it as well as me” in disguise. I think that it is a very critical point of view, a way of criticizing everybody around me, picked up from my father. I realized during my 3 years job that I hardly trusted anyone to do their jobs so many times I did it for them and after that complained that nobody ever helps me and nobody does their job.

But I no longer choose to believe this. I don’t want to think anymore that I have to do everything myself.

My grandmother also had a behavior that I realized today that I have picked up. She always did everything around the house because my grandfather was ill and never helped her so she had to manage herself with the house, providing money and food, feeding the animals – because they lived in the country and had animals like goats, cows, waking up at 5 am and working all day long, all this, while being sick herself. And she was always my heroine. I looked up to her and admire her ability to do everything! So maybe that’s why I think it is important to manage everything and I want to be brave and strong and never complain.

But I no longer choose to believe this. I don’t want to think that I need to do everything and manage all possible situations and be strong and brave all the times, even when I cannot.

The part about getting all 10’s must be from my mother. She was so demanding of me. She was upset even if I got 9.75 (here, in Romania we have grades from 1 to 10) and even if my grade was actually 10 she was upset because it was not a “clean 10”. I was a very good student, I learned to read and write before I went to school, I did my homework, and I would have been doing all these without her being obsessed about it.
I remember hiding my papers with grades like 9.5 or 9.75 and told her I got 10 and sometimes she found the paper and made a huge deal out of it. I was terrified and it was a major issue for me. At one point, we were making a general cleaning in the house and in our house everybody had to work, even if I was 10 years old. So, because the house was up side down, I had no time and space to make a drawing I had to do for school. I made one in a rush that was kind of ugly and got an 8 for it. I was desperate. I never ever had an 8 before. Only 10’s and rarely a 9. What to do? I was sure that my mother would kill me if she saw that. So, because she or my father had to sign my grades and the teacher was asking me about the grades, why are they not signed, in my despair, I signed the grades myself for a few weeks. It was not long before my mother realized that something was wrong. I pretended that I had lost my grades book but they searched for it and found it. It was a big fuss about it, they were very upset with me, because I got the 8 and especially because I “forged” their signature. But never bothered to wonder why would someone do such a thing? I did it because I was terrified of what they would say about my stupid 8.

So, I lived my life, until now, trying to be perfect in everything I do and blaming myself if I got any 9.75 in any area of my life. I criticized myself for so long and have not been there for myself to support what I was doing. Many times I didn't even try to do some things because I was afraid I would do less than perfect, that I would fail. But not any more! I’m not willing to think that any more.
I AM OK WITH 9.75. What the heck, I AM OK WITH 5 :)

So I am very glad to have identified where did all these beliefs came from and I can aknowledge that they are not mine and release them now. Nevertheless I don't blame anyone for making me think like that. I know all they did was from love and that was what they knew and what they were told. I know it was all part of my learning and my growth.

So, my first act of rebellion was living my job 4 years ago and stating in my mind that I will never work again as an employee. I hated the idea that I had to be there from 9 to 6, every single day of my life and I ended up dead tired every day. I had no personal life and the 20 days a year vacation was waaay to little for me! So I left and I have always congratulated me for this decision.

Since then, I started making handmade bags, polymer clay jewelry, then clothing, opened my store on etsy, opening a store at the seaside and going to Christmas fairs, and all this time studying nutrition and self development.

In the last few months, while working on clearing my beliefs and my mind, I got in to this deep rebellion. I refused to do or involve in anything that had any little possibility to get me in the situation of doing something I do not like. I refused projects that would have seemed great opportunities to me a few months ago. I refused even jobs or projects I kind of liked but I wasn’t 100% sure that I will love. So nothing seemed fun any more, including my old work. I got kind of stuck. I did not know what to do next because I was committed to follow my heart but I did not know what my heart desires.

With no apparent connection 3 or 4 months ago I declared to myself: I no longer want to have money issues! That is because sometimes we ran out of money, but generally were doing pretty good. But I did not want to have money issues ever again. Ever since that time nothing seemed to work any more. No more orders, no more sales, no more money! I was amazed but the faith I’ve built in the last year helped me trust in the wisdom of God. I was sure that this is part of the plan. When you want to solve your money issues, you get broke! Every body knows this, no? HA, HA! :)
Normally, anyone, and especially me, would never consider not doing anything while they have no income what so ever and big expenditures. Before I was used to work hard because I thought it was a must, even when I was ok with money so in these times I should be working my ass off to earn some money and pay the bills. But I also promised myself I would follow my heart and do only the things that would make me happy. I promised I will not sell my happiness ever again. So I did. I waited and slept and read lots of books and wrote things in my diary and occasionally I went in my workshop and made some clothes, some dresses, polymer clay with my brother, but as soon as I felt I had enough I stopped. I was waiting, as I read in some books, to discover my true meaning. The job, the work that would make me extraordinarily happy from morning until evening.

At one point I started asking if I am not going kind of crazy with this, that maybe there is no purpose for me, there is no meaning and I should go and make some stuff and sell some stuff and make some money no matter how that makes me feel! But I couldn’t!

In the mean time, I had tones of ideas of what to do but I only took those ideas half a way. As soon as I involved deeper, I felt the need to quit. Maybe it was the fear of failure, maybe it was that really I didn’t like those stuff…

So today I made an exercise that I read somewhere that works for any kind of problem you might have. I decided to try it with my money problem. You take your problem and you ask the following questions about it:

1. What can I learn from this problem? Or what have I learned so far from my problem?
2. How can I benefit from this problem?
3. How do other people view this problem?
4. Who would look at this problem in a positive way?
5. Why would this situation be great for him or her?
6. How could I think like this person at least for a moment?
7. What could be the main obstacle that if removed would solve this problem?
8. What are my beliefs around this issue? Are they true?
9. What do I believe to be true and maybe is not?
10. How would solving this problem help me and the ones around me?
11. How would this problem make me better, more understanding and compassionate?
12. What could be the opportunity behind this problem?

Doing this, you can really clear your mind about your issue and you would be surprised at the insights that might come up. Try it! Here is my conclusion for today. Now, don’t think I realized all these things today, in a glimpse. It was a process that took a few months or maybe years or lives but today I was clear enough to see them as they are:

* I realized doing this exercise (this lead to many other questions and answers) that I had many beliefs that were not even mine and those beliefs were conducting my life.
* I realized that I have the freedom to choose what I believe and I choose to let them go!
* I realized that I have learned a lot from my money problem! A LOT!
* I realized that you can eat, drink, travel, be happy even if you don’t have a lot of money
* I realized that I shouldn’t care so much about my so called “image”. Nobody cares how much money you have. Or at least not the people I would want to hang out with.
* I realized that the lack of money does not stay in the way of happiness
* I realized that money are waaay to much over rated, they really are not so important
* I realized that there are many poor people in the world and they are ok, they are nice, loving people.
* I realized that, if we have, we should always give money to everyone that asks us for money
* I realized that you can make money out of art and out of anything as long as you do what you love
* I realized that it’s ok to be broke, it’s ok to ask your friends to loan you money (it was like major alarm to me when I even considered doing that).
* I realized that it’s ok to rest if you are tired even If you have no money
* I realized that how much money you have does not show your value
* I realized that no matter how smart you are or how many schools you have attended, it’s ok to do whatever job you want, there is no such thing as a “serious job” and if it is then you can be sure IT SUCKS! You can be a dish washer if it makes you happy. You can be a house cleaner or a garbage man, as long as you like it.

* I realized that it helped me to focus on the things I had not the courage to do. I never focused on the things I liked because I felt I had to do the things that work, the things that I know produce money, the things that are safe and worth doing. But since all the other things I used to do don’t produce money any more, and I’m already broke, why not do something I like. There is nothing more to loose!
* I realized I was sabotaging the projects I would love to be because I did not consider those as being work (according to the belief that what is fun is called FUN and what is hard work is called work).
* I realized that you don’t have to be tired in the evening in order to say that you have worked today. If it is something fun you are doing you could do it all day and all night long and still not be tired. You can have fun while doing your job and you can make a lot of money while having fun.
* I realized that there are so many things I would love to do if I would not consider in any way the commercial part. Not wonder if they will sell, if they are productive or if they are worth doing. I believe now that it does not work like this. If you have an idea about making something you would love doing, or starting any kind of project you would like, stop, and I mean totally STOP thinking about it. Just let your heart lead the way. You don’t have to know how you are going to make it, where, if it will sell. JUST DO IT! (These nike guys must know something about it :P)
* I realized that your meaning is not something you just discover one day and that’s it. It is a life time event that unfolds in front of us with every step that we have the courage to take into the big unknown, so beautiful called LIFE

luni, 8 noiembrie 2010

Loving what is

I discovered Byron Katie today that shared valuable teachings for where I am right now in my life! Maybe it will resonate with you also :)

Visit The work for more information and search on Youtube for more inspiring videos with Katie. There are plenty!

sâmbătă, 30 octombrie 2010

Food – the ultimate source of happiness

I wasn’t aware of my potential of being happy until I changed my diet to a 100% raw.
We live in a society that got used to a very poor state of health. Getting sick is a normal, acceptable thing. Feeling depressed, angry, sad, tired are all considered usual things and getting an incurable disease and dying is expected any time after a certain age.

I don't think ilnesses, overweight, being tired, being helpless when you are old, being depressed and blured all the time are normal. Do you?

I never approved of that and considered vibrant health as a natural, normal state so I started my research when I was about 24 years old. The first book I ever read about nutrition talked about eating all things raw but it seemed too extreme for me at that time and I thought I could never do it although I accepted and kept in mind that it was the best diet ever.

Than, my boyfriend got sick and we stopped eating fried stuff and we started eating more and more salads. When I gained a few extra pounds, searching for a weight loss diet, I found a natural product called “detoxifying tincture from elder flowers” and in the prospect it said I should eat at least 70% raw and no animal protein so I cut off all meats, dairy and eggs and ate as much raw as I could. I started eating a lot of fruits and salads and drinking more water. And it felt great. I lost all the excess weight along with the cellulite, I felt so energized, I had beautiful skin, clear mind. Ever since that time I stopped eating meat but I got back to my old cooked diet after a few months. I felt great and put on no weight for 2 years. But in time, my diet got kind of junkie and the negative effects piled up again. I ate a lot of cakes and dairy, pizza, ice cream. I got depressed, tired and unsatisfied with my life.

I knew, I could feel it in my heart that something was missing, that there must be more from life than this. So I began searching, reading and experimenting. I quit my job because I couldn’t stand the idea that I am selling away my own precious life.

After reading “The China Study” I stopped eating dairy and eggs and I really felt the difference. I read a lot of books about healing through diets or fasting and the idea that we should be eating raw foods appeared again and again. At one point we met at the grocery market a 70 years old man that was eating only raw, looked 55 and felt even younger. I was more and more convinced that it can be done and after finding a forum of raw people, here in Romania, I finally decided to go 100% raw.

I started on November 16, 2009.
At that time I was about 60 kg, coming down from being 68 kg in the summer of 2009. It was very hard for me to loose the 8 kg (from 68 to 60) because I was trying to eat less but still eating cooked and kind of junkie.
But as soon as I got 100% raw I lost 2 kg in the first 2 days. I lost all the extra weight in about 2 months. Eating as much as I wanted, whenever I was hungry, eating raw cakes and sweets all the time.

In a few months my whole perspective of life was changed. I had all this energy, I was no longer depressed and sad, my life started having meaning, I felt clear, alive and super excited to exist. It was a long and special journey for me and it still is.

Raw food was the thing that started my journey and I will always be thankful for knowing about such a powerful tool.

During this year I ate lots of fruits, vegetables, greens, nuts, seeds, cold pressed oils, cacao, honey, sea salt and many raw condiments and super foods. I made all kinds of recipes. I wouldn’t have ever believed that you can prepare so many delicious meals. Especially the raw deserts :) They are unbelievable!!!

Did you know you can make crackers, pates, cakes and cookies, guacamole, soup and even pizza all raw and even more tasty than the cooked ones?

During this year I wasn’t raw all of the time. I was 100% raw for the first 4-5 months and then I got really caught up with the problems I had at home, my father being very sick and all that and I wasn’t able to be 100% raw. Also the emotional detox that is triggered along with the physical one is pretty hard to take if you are not prepared to deal with all your negative emotions and fears. So, I felt so desperate sometimes that the only thing that could calm me were very dense foods. So I ate bread, some steamed vegetables, beans or rice and other light cooked foods that my mother prepared in the house. It wasn’t such a bad thing to do, but my obsession about eating healthy at that time made it seem so.

This was another pretty big lesson for me along the way, because I wanted to be 100% raw and couldn’t accept any thing less and because I couldn’t be 100% raw, I was blaming myself and feeling miserable. But in time, I learned to make peace with my self, I accepted that everything takes time and patience and all things happen at the right time. And the most important thing is to be happy with everything you do. When I finally let go of it, it was a natural, easy and pleasant change. I believe now that any thing that becomes an obsession, even about a healthy habit, is not good.

In my opinion, any thing that feels too restrictive, complicated or difficult to do won't last on the long term.

People that eat normal food (like a lot of meat, eggs and dairy, fried potatoes or pizzas) sometimes laugh at me telling me that they don’t want to live forever, but I believe that living is more than what they experience. I want to really be alive, light, clear, energized and happy all the time. I proved myself it is possible and once I felt like that I could never settle for less.

From all that I read, from what I’ve experienced myself and from all the people I’ve read about and heard about and talked to I can absolutely say that raw food is the best food for us and it can totally transform every aspect of your life. We have an immense potential and living fruits and vegetables can unleash that potential and turn us in the super beings that we are meant to be.

I believe with all my heart that we are meant to be happy, peaceful, clear, energetic, compassionate and healthy all our lives. And when I say healthy I mean no illness what so ever. No colds, no headaches, no childhood illnesses, no depression, no negativity.

Just vibrant health!

All the food presented in the pictures is raw :)
If you want more information about raw foods let me know. I’ll be happy to share more :)

In the mean time here are some useful links:

Raw for life
Raw Reform
Romania Raw Forum
Victoria Boutenko
La vie en raw.z
Food matters
Simply raw

marți, 28 septembrie 2010

You are not alone

Did you ever think that your lost loved ones are actually here with you guiding you in every moment?

Today a little girl asked me if I had any money to give her. I was about to get in the car so I searched my pockets and gave her some money. She also asked me if I had an apple because she is thirsty. I was upset because at home I had lots of apples that we’ve picked from our grandparents garden but unfortunately I didn’t have any on me. So she asked for some water and I gave her the bottle I had in the car. She smiled at me and I felt my heart melting.

I remembered my grandmother saying once after visiting a monastery that she saw a beggar that didn’t ask for money, he just looked at her in a certain way that made her wonder what if he was Jesus :)

I wasn’t wondering about the little girl being Jesus, but I wondered about my father. I thought, could it be that my father is guiding me and sending me his love through all people, including this little girl? I started crying and as I drove by the little girl she smiled and waved at me looking so peaceful and loving.

I remember that right after my father died I was laying in bed and I saw a little ant climbing on my hand. It crossed my mind that this might be my father’s spirit trying to cheer me up. I liked this idea so I watched the little ant with new eyes, wondering about it. How could it be in the house, I have never seen an ant in my bedroom before? The next day at the funeral I saw another ant on my fathers hand and in that moment I knew. I felt so much love filling my heart. I felt the love that my father is carrying for me and I knew he will always be watching and guiding me. I could never look at another ant like I did before.

What if we can see behind the limitations of our minds and imagine that our loved ones that are gone from this world are everywhere around us? What if we can imagine God being everywhere around us and try to see Him in the eyes of every creature we meet. And the wonder is that he is. He is always here to guide us and support us, we just have to open out hearts and let him in.

I am asking you to do something today! Go out on the streets and look at every one around you as if they had a message for you, as if they carry the love of God for you, as if they are parts of you or your lost loved ones. Just look carefully at every man or girl or dog or tree with new eyes and see how it feels. I promise you will feel blessed!

Pick someone who you used to see as less important than you (like a beggar or the cleaning lady at your office). Go and talk to them like you are their friend. Release all the superiority. Try to see them as your equal, because you are. We are all wonderful creatures, we are all equally blessed and loved by the Universe.
Make someone feel they are not alone, that they matter, that they deserve, and the gift of the Universe to you will be rewarding!

Mother Theresa once said to a wealthy man that asked her what he can do to help:
“Go out on the streets of the city and find a homeless person that feels lonely and convince him that he’s not! That is what you can do to help!”

How can we feel lonely in a world filled with people? Did you ever consider talking with a complete stranger? No, of course not! What he or she might think? Why would they want to talk to you? They would say you’re crazy!
Why are we so boxed up, so closed in our own minds and houses? Why do we condemn ourselves to loneliness?

Go out now and look at the world! Look at all the people around you! Smile at them, feel love for them and they will respond. People will smile back! People are eager to talk to you, people are eager to communicate and connect to each other! Just make the first step!

vineri, 24 septembrie 2010

Healing your heart

Today, I want to share a story about an experience that enriched my life in so many ways. It is a long and in many aspects a very sad story but please go through the painful part because without the painful part, the good part would have no meaning (like all other things in our life). Thank you!

My father got really sick in November 2009. He knew about his illness for many years but in October - November his condition got worse and worse. He lost a lot of weight, he couldn’t eat, he couldn’t breath well, and he got out of bed less and less. I was already studying nutrition and holistic medicine for a few years, looking for ways to help him. I convinced him to try Gerson therapy, that involved lots of fresh fruits and vegetables juices but they couldn’t have him at the clinic because the illness was too severe so we tried it at home. I was eating only raw foods for a few months and I got myself a juicer that I brought to my parents house and we tried doing the Gerson therapy. It was too hard for him so he couldn’t do it more than 3 weeks.

It was at the same time that I started learning about the mind – body connection and I was more and more convinced that the way we think affects our reality.

My father used to be a very critical person. He was critical about himself, about us, about the world. Now I know that this kind of thinking can create a lot of trouble in your body. Criticizing your self and others puts you in a negative vibration, attracting in to your life more and more reasons to complain and to be dissatisfied.

I started studying healing therapies, energetic healing, working with the energy and tried it on my father but nothing worked. It was very hard for me to even introduce him my ideas because he was very negativist and criticized everything I said. He said these ideas are stupid and he called me and Luci “the philosophers” :)

I wanted so much to help him, I would have done anything. So, because nothing worked, I was very tormented, I spent a lot of time blaming myself that I didn’t do enough, that I could look for more alternatives, that I could stay more at home, even though I went home almost every weekend and spent more than half of my time at my parents house. I was including my father’s healing in every wish list I have ever made in that period. I wanted to find a way of curing him and I was more and more convinced that he would heal. Otherwise, nothing made sense!

Me and Luci fasted on vegetable and fruits juices for one week before Easter and we prayed for a miracle to happen on the Friday before Easter. My father was quite different in that day, he said to me after taking a bath: “Now that I’ve changed my clothes I feel like I’ve changed my soul. I will do as you keep telling me and I will think more positive!” I was so glad to hear that. My heart was singing!

The miracle didn’t happen on Easter but we were optimistic!

Days passed on. My father was worse, than better, than worse and in the mean time I went through a lot of emotions. Sometimes I felt optimistic but most of the time I felt desperate. I was angry at the situation, I was blaming myself, I felt helpless and I saw my life as unfair. After all the things I’ve done….this was not fair!

I was always searching for new ways to help, and when founding a new one I got so happy. I ran over to my father to share it and in that moment it was like hitting a brick wall. It was almost like he didn’t want to be helped. He refused, criticized, mocked all the methods or therapies and then accused them of making him feel worse.

The situation got so bad that he could barely get out of bad, he couldn’t eat, he started having this delirium. He saw some weird creatures in the room and he was afraid to sleep so he slept less and less until he ended up sleeping no more than a few moments and even than with his eyes half opened. He was having panic attacks and he wanted my mother to be always there with him.

This condition lasted a couple of months. During this time he ate less and less, he was nourished mostly from the infusions, he slept less and less and he couldn’t get out of bed without help. We went to the hospital lots of times but they couldn’t do anything for him. The nurse even told me once something that sounded like: “stop coming here, can’t you see he’s going to die?” But this was the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t even conceive such thought.

It was a very painful period of my life. It hurt so much even thinking about his suffering. Sometimes I felt like it would be better if I just disappeared, I couldn’t take it anymore.

It was more and more obvious to me that I could not help him. And that it is not in my power to heal him. And I understood something that I still believe today: you cannot heal someone without their permission; you cannot help anyone if they are not asking for help. So I gave up! I was defeated! I said to God: “I surrender! I trust you to take care of him! I acknowledge you have a plan for all of us. And if it is your plan for him to die than I accept it!”

One day my mother called us to tell us he is unconscious and that we should come home because she doesn’t think he will hold on for much longer. When I got home I was shocked to see him. He was unconscious, he could not move, but he had his eyes opened and he looked trapped in his defective body. We talked to him and he seemed to be reacting a little when we showed up in the room.

At one point when I was alone with him in the room, I took his hand and, for the first time in my life I told him I loved him. I told him that everything is going to be ok and his eyes filled with tears. I never told him before that I loved him. He was very distant with us and I never had the courage of telling him about my feelings even though I loved him so much!

Until the next day he was back from the dead. He got better and better and the next week it was the funniest, best week of my life. He was so funny & crazy & happy. He was more childish, he ate more, he made jokes, and he made us laugh all the time. He wanted to be bathed; he wanted to listen to classical music and surf the internet at 6 a.m.
He asked for something and than he couldn’t remember what he wanted and as we were asking him what he wants he said laughing: “Don’t you know I’m crazy? How could I know what I want?” And we laughed and laughed all week long! Everybody was amazed of his recovery!

After a week, my brother and I had to go back to Bucharest. He was kind of sad as we left and when I asked why, he said with sadness in his voice, like a little child: “Didn’t you hear that I’m going to die?”

And he died two days later…

Writing this here brings tears into my eyes, but I didn’t cry at all at that time.
All those months trying to heal my father, it was me who was actually healed.
I finally accepted my father’s death as I never thought I will. I knew he wasn’t gone!
I knew and felt that death is not the end. I knew that nothing is lost but all is continuously transforming and death is just another transformation. I will never fear death again. So I am finally free to live my life as I never did before because when you live your life in the shadow of death, you are already dead.

I struggled so hard to keep my father alive, I hoped and prayed that I could heal him and in fact it was the very death of him that I needed to accept. We often hold on so tight of some ideas or things we think are the best for us that we miss the very things that are really necessary. It wasn’t until I let myself and the healing of my father in the hands of God that I could accept his death and I really accepted the pain into my heart. And everything that is accepted into the heart is transformed into love.

I actually felt all the pain gathered inside me in all these month of suffering transforming into love and filling up my heart. This love, this bliss, has been with me ever since!

Many of us try to understand our painful experiences with out minds and we can’t. Only the heart can heal the pain. Open your heart and be willing to receive the pain, be opened to any experience, no matter how horrible it may seem, no matter how big the pain may appear to be, open your heart and let it in and the heart will do what only she can do, will transform all pain into LOVE. The heart will help you heal!

Accept everything that happens to you, stop struggling, stop thinking you know it all, abandon your life in the hands of God and you will experience pure love!

I learned so much from this experience!
* I am aware that any healing must come from inside and you must heal yourself before being able to help someone else. Nobody can be healed unless they want to.
* The way we think is totally affecting our body! Criticism, not loving yourself, complaining and not accepting what is happening in your life are damaging your body and creating negative experiences.
* I know that death is not the end and death can be so empowering! Our ancestors (dacii) knew that as they celebrated death instead of mourning.
* I know that there is a plan for every one of us and we must trust that the energy that gave us life is wise enough to take care of us. Nothing is random. All has meaning, every experience is meaningful
* There is no right or wrong. Only we label things as right or wrong and assuming that something is wrong for us and constantly running from it is not always right. There are certain so called “bad” experiences that we must go through so we can evolve and grow stronger.
* The heart is much more powerful than the brain. Stop trying to figure all things out with your mind. Stop trying to understand it all. Just accept all emotions into your heart and experience magic. It's not about healing your heart, it's about your heart healing you!

I am at peace now and I thank my father from the bottom of my heart for everything he did for me. I send him my love and I receive his.

THANK YOU for reading this!

marți, 21 septembrie 2010

3 wishes

Take a little piece of paper and write 3 things you desire. Be as specific as you can. For example:
1.Photo Camera Fujifilm FinePix S200EXR
2.An IPOD classic – 160 G
3.Free trip to Barcelona

Put your little note (it can be a sticker) somewhere where you can see it every day. Picture these 3 things in your mind whenever you see the note. Have a clear image of them and try to feel the feeling, the joy and fun of having them into your life. It won’t be long until they will appear :) Do this as fun, don’t put much thought into it and watch what happens.

Today, a very special girl called Simona offered me two airplane tickets to Barcelona. She planned the trip, bought the plane tickets and made reservations but she cannot go so she wants to give them away.

Two years ago our friends Victor and Adriana went to Barcelona (where Victor proposed to Adriana) and we were "upset" that they didn’t take us (:D). Ever since that time we dreamed about going to Barcelona. It sounded so magical!

Today I met my friend Mihaela to return a book after not seeing her for a few weeks. Two hours later she calls me to ask if I want to go to Barcelona because her friend Simona has two tickets and she cannot go. And of course I said yes! :D
Simo and Miha thank you both so much!

In October is our 12 years anniversary and I was dreaming about doing something special. So we are going to Barcelona!!

I am amazed at every little thing that happens in my life and today I just received a wonderful gift from a complete stranger. I wonder what will happen next?